1. How do you stop a dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard!
2. Why is it that...
...when you blow in your dog's face he gets mad, but when he's in the car he sticks his head out the window!
3. What did the famished dalmation say after he ate?
That hit the spot!
4. Why did the stray dog chase his tail?
He was trying to make ends meet!
5. What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One tags a whale and the other wags a tail!
6. A dog went to see the flea circus...
He stole the show!
7. A boy went to the zoo to discover there was only one small animal..
It was a shitzu!
8. Why do dogs make terrible dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
9. What do dogs and phones have in common?
They both have collar ids!
10. Where do eskimos train their sled dogs?
In the mush room!
11. Why do dogs need a license but cats don't?
Cats can't drive!
12. Why do they call it a litter of puppies?
Because they mess up the whole house!
13. How do you stop a dog from smelling?
Cover his nose!
14. Why do dogs run in circles?
It's hard to run in squares!
15. And lastly...
A woman brings her parakeet to the vet. The bird is stiff and lifeless.
"I'm sorry miss, but this parakeet is dead"
"How can you know so quickly?" she replies, "Is there a better way so that you can be absolutely certain?"
The vet whistles and a black Labrador walks into the room. The Lab sniffs the parakeet, then looks at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head.
"A dog shakes his head and I'm supposed to accept that?!" the woman cries. "You're going to have to do more than that to prove my poor parakeet is dead!"
The vet leaves momentarily and comes back with a cat. The cat hops up on the table and looks closely at the parakeet. After walking around it, she prods the bird a bit, then shakes her head and jumps off the table.
Finally, the woman is convinced. As she turns for the door, the vet announces that she owes him $400.
"$400?!" she asks. "How in the world is it that much just to tell me my parakeet is dead?"
"Well, it would've been a lot cheaper, but with that lab report and cat scan..."